On Sexuality, Sensuality & Identity: In Conversation with Artist Pallavi aka Fijiana

Photo by Simrah Farrukh (@simrahfarrukh)

Words by Naomi Joshi

Pallaví aka Fijiana is an Indo-Fijian singer, rapper, and creative director, raised & based in the Bay Area, Richmond, California. Fijiana recently released her first EP titled “Thirst”, on February 1st, 2022, which includes her newest hit single: “Sanskari Hoe”. Prior to this, she created songs such as “Identity”, which focused on her own cultural identity and empowerment, and “Direction”, which taps into her spiritual practices.

Fijiana took the time to chat with me after her outdoors smoke & stretch session near her home.

What's the story behind Pallaví aka Fijiana?

When I was in high school, my friend and I watched the movie Colombiana. And we were just like, “man, Fijiana would be a cool superhero name”. Since then, it’s been one of my alter egos. As I started making music, Fijiana just stuck. People started coming up to me, being like, “oh, are you Fijiana?” So I decided to keep the name.

You recently released “Sanskari Hoe”, the song and the music video - tell me a bit about this.

My friend & I were playing around one day - I had already been messing with some beats, it was a take on Madhuri’s “Dhak Dhak” song. I was thinking along the lines of Madhuri, and all the sexuality and sensuality she exudes. And it was kind of a modern day version of that song. I felt that if it were to be remade today, it would be even bolder, even more straightforward. So, my friend and I, both of us being Indo-Fijian, were laughing, making jokes and we came up with this hook in Hindi. That’s how it all started.

I feel that I get to communicate certain things through my art that I might not feel as comfortable communicating in person. Within my music specifically, I've been working on sensuality & sexuality, which is a very strong interest of mine. In the sphere of my family, and in my culture, these are things that are just not acceptable, they’re not okay to speak about. So when I make a song that is very overtly sexual, it feels like I'm reclaiming a lot of power, that I get to be this person, despite a lot of people saying you shouldn't be this way. I really love that. It feels super healing.

I’d also love to hear about your song “Identity” . What's the background story there?

I was at the park, and I think I was upset about gentrification, but as I started writing, what came out was anger towards colonization. I had just gotten into discovering my cultural identity. Growing up in America, I didn't truly understand what it meant to be Indo-Fijian for a long time. When African slavery became illegal, the British needed laborers to continue working in the colonies, so they brought indentured servants / enslaved people from India to Fiji. But as I was doing more research, I had all these feelings brewing, and they all came out in this song. I didn't necessarily want to put out the song, I feel like a lot of artists can relate to that feeling of being shy. I played it for a few friends, and people were just hyped about that track. One of my best friends, Amina, told me I had to put it out, and that I had to do it in a powerful way. I didn't realize that this song was so beyond what I initially thought it would be. And so after my conversation with Amina, I put together a little mood board, and this time I didn't limit myself. I'm really grateful for all the people in my life who are just like: Pooja, you gotta do this.

I kept thinking, if I could make this any way I wanted, without thinking about whether or not I have the resources, what would it look like? I thought it would be cool to recreate those old, migration photos that a lot of the indentured people made - still, black and white. I wanted our instruments and a lot of bhajans to be present in the photos. I wanted to incorporate some religious diversity. And, I like smoking weed, so I just wanted to have weed in there. We also contacted a local Fijian market to shoot some scenes there. It was a zero budget project, which makes me all the more grateful, because every single person who was involved donated their time to make this happen. It was a real passion project full of amazing women of color. This was an 80% women of color project, and a 100% POC-lead project.

What about ‘Direction’? How did that project come about?

I was in the studio with Rexx Life Raj and was in a space of contemplating others' perceptions of me as well as mine of others. The visual project was something I’d been creating for months because it was a dream I’ve had for quite some time, and I decided it'd be great to pair with the song. I put my team together, Riya on styling, Simrah with photography, Summer with cinematography, Ruhi with choreography, and Seema, Sandhya, Riya, Ruhi, Sarah, Smrithi as talent. We had a three day shoot and had long hikes back and forth to the shooting site with lots of equipment, but everyone helped and it was a very magical set experience which I think shows visually.

Do you identify as Fijian first, above all else?

I would say so. I was born in Fiji and my family's in Fiji. For a long time, I only really wanted to be called Fijian. But now as I move through my journey, I definitely recognise all the Indo in me as well. There is so much about South Asia that I am connected with - it's in my features, in my face, and I’m in a space where I'm embracing that as well. But overall, I definitely claim Fiji first and foremost, because I feel if I allow people to think I’m Indian, and just leave it at that, then people won’t take the time to actually learn about me, my history or where I come from.

How does your Fijian identity affect your relationship to the South Asian community? Have you experienced any tension or clashes there?

It's interesting. One of my best friends that I grew up with is Pakistani, and her parents would tell her not to hang out with me because I’m Fijian. And I know another one of my Punjabi Indian friend’s parents also don't necessarily want to be associated with Fijian people. Unfortunately, this kind of mentality is quite common.

When I first posted “Sanskari Hoe”, it was circulating pretty quickly on TikTok, and a lot of people didn’t like it. A comment I kept getting was people telling me the Hindi I was speaking was wrong or doesn’t make sense. But regardless of whatever dialect of accent I have, let me speak my language. I ended up making a response video because I got so frustrated - a lot of Hindi speakers have heard it, a lot of Fiji-Hindi speakers have heard it, and it makes sense to them all. I was expecting to get a lot of misogynistic commentary in response to my song and the music video, but comments about my Hindi is something I didn’t even think would be an issue.

Where do you think that kind of thinking stems from?

Part of me feels like it’s associated with caste. People associate people who were brought over as indentured workers with lower castes. They view us as less than in a lot of ways, also because we're mixed culturally. I know a lot of Fijian women who’ve dated Indian men. But the Indian men won’t take them seriously, or their parents won't accept them, or in the end they aren’t good enough to marry, all because they're Fijian. There's definitely a hierarchy in the community. Even in Fiji, there’s a lot of people who actually migrate from India, and you can see the hierarchy built in that way too. The newcomers think they’re better than us because of the differences in migration. Obviously not everyone is like that, but that mindset does exist.

Would you call yourself an activist for the Pacific Islander community? If so, at what point did you start to merge art and activism?

Before I made “Identity”, I felt like more of an activist than I do now. It's a big title… I care so deeply about social change, but I don't want people to think I am the authority or the representation for a whole group of people. I don't think that's fair or accurate. All I can really say is that there are certain things I feel passionate about, and I like to speak about those things, which then connect with bigger social issues through my art. But I definitely don't think I am an activist or someone people should look up to. That's a lot of pressure. I just like to create.

What are some issues that you've tried to address or dismantle with regard to Indo-Fijian history? Is that narrative something you're trying to get across through your work?

Definitely. I really wanted to do that when I made “Identity”, but I think it's a big thing to do. It kind of comes back to the activism question - people thinking of you as the face of something is really difficult. Moving forward, when I do talk about history, I want to do it with a lot more research, a lot more resources, and a lot more tools, because I feel like “Identity” was mainly moved by emotion. I want to continue doing this work of raising awareness about Indo-Fijian history for the rest of my life. That said, artistically, I think I'm taking a break from that narrative for now, but I would love to revisit it at a later time. I would actually love to live in Fiji at one point, to learn more and create something from that very authentic, genuine space.

When you're in Fiji, do you feel any tension between the Black and Brown communities?

Initially, no, I didn’t personally feel any weirdness between the indigenous community and the Indo-Fijians. But when I released “Identity”, that's when I was like: “oh, shit, there's tension”. The conversation started along the lines of: “you're not actually Fijian, you're just Indian”. A lot of racism came out. I've been called a slave. I've had someone make a video threatening to lynch me. It’s a lot. But a lot of beauty has come from it, too. People have been defending my right to call myself Fijian. But it really opened my eyes to how much deep seated racism there actually is in Fiji. I didn't think that calling myself Fijian would be so controversial.

How would you say your art has allowed you to process emotions and/or heal?

It helps when I'm going through really intense emotions. In 2020, my little brother died. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function and because of music, I was able to detach from my emotions. It’s similar to how weed helps me. I'm able to kind of distance myself from those emotions to an extent, observe them, and understand that it’s just an experience I'm having. To be able to just capture the experience and the feelings of that moment, and analyze your emotions almost objectively, is really powerful. I feel like music has given me a lot of emotional awareness.

Would you consider yourself religious, and if so, how has religion played a role in your life?

I love this question, because I think about my relationship to religion a lot. I’ve grown up Hindu, but I’m in a place in my life where I don’t like to call myself religious, even though I find so much beauty in all religions. Period. I love Buddha and I study a lot of his teachings. I also find beauty in Christianity. I love the way they approach forgiveness, and rebirth. I love the discipline that Islam teaches. So, I think I would say I’m spiritual, but that I do also embrace religion. Eastern thought and philosophy has influenced so much of who I am, but I also deeply respect a lot of other religions.

Tell me a bit about your relationship to weed, how does it aid you creatively, mentally, physically?

I started smoking weed when I was 17. I generally have a weird relationship with weed, because there are times when I feel like I’m over-consuming it. But overall, I think it's something that has helped me heal in a lot of ways. I've dealt with so much depression in my life, as well as harming myself, eating disorders, and I truly believe that weed is a herb that has helped ground me. It helps me not fully dive into my emotions. It allows me to detach from certain situations and just relax, to feel free and calm. I have also recently been learning about how it was indentured laborers, who brought the herb from South Asia to all these different parts of the world. We, as indentured-lineaged people, have a very special connection with this herb. Ganja, kush… it's something that South Asians and indentured people need to reclaim. In so many ways, it’s ours.

Does weed just give you that creative juice that you need to create and flow?

My favorite thing to do is smoke and then go to take a shower. All of the ideas, they’re all in my hair, and the shower brings them out [we laugh together]. It’s like my little safe space. I’ll have a notebook right outside of my shower, because something will hit, and I’ll just stick one hand out to write down whatever comes to mind.

What kind of feedback have you gotten from South Asian and/or Indo-Fijian communities in regards to your art?

A really great critique for the “Identity” video is that there were no indigenous Fijians included. My team and I actually really, really tried to find indigenous Fijian women to be in the video. We even had two booked the day of, but they unfortunately were not able to make it. So, I could see why people would be upset about that, and I just hope that in my projects to come, I can include a more diverse cast. I hope to be more inclusive in my work, and it sucks that I wasn’t able to fully do that in the “Identity” project.

With “Sanskari Hoe”, I recently got featured on a podcast with “Don’t Run Into Glass”, which is a podcast hosted by Anica and Gayeti for TheCitizen.in. I felt really honored in regards to the way they went about my work, because they really analytically took the time to look at it. That made me feel particularly respected, that people are diving into the historical context that I stem from.

Your music and your social media presence both expose you to big audiences. What’s that like for you? How does it feel to speak publicly about your opinions, history and your upbringing?

I would say it's scary. It's weird, because I love creating, connecting and just being a part of these platforms, but I also don't really know how I feel about fame. I think fame makes a person feel responsible for having the perfect image; including all of the right views and all of the right ways of speaking. But every single person in the world has a different idea of what that should be. So as a result, so much is projected onto that famous individual. At the end of the day, people fuck up. People aren’t perfect in a lot of ways. And although I think accountability is super important, the pressure feels like a lot. I have a love-hate relationship with fame.

What is the main message that you wanted people who engaged with “Identity” & “Sanskari Hoe” to take away from each piece?

For “Identity”, I just want people to feel happy and powerful in their own skin. It’s in the chorus: “I’m a Brown bitch, melanin rich, Fijian Queen”. At shows, I've seen amazing-ass women and non-binary people just making it their own, like: I’m a Mexican queen, I’m an Indian queen, or whatever. I'm just like, wow, so many different kinds of people who feel comfortable calling themselves queens can identify with this. I've seen people who identify as men lip sync the song back to me, and I just think it’s so dope that so many different kinds of people can resonate with this and feel empowered like that. That's so special to me. I just really want people of color to feel good about their Brown and Black skin, and go through the world as brown-skinned beings feeling happy.

“Sanskari Hoe” felt a lot more silly. With every piece I put out into the world, I try to emphasize that I, just like everyone else, am multi-dimensional. I’m not one person. I can put out a song like “Identity” and talk about my political existence in the world, I can also put out “Direction”, which gives you more insight on the kind of spirituality that I align with, and then “Sanskari Hoe”, which says: I’m a really sexual person.

Last, but not least, tell me about your experience making your first EP. It just dropped on February 1st. What should your fans expect from this wonderful collection of songs?

The EP is called “Thirst”, it’s 7 songs and I’m really excited about it. I chose this title because the whole project to me felt like longing, it felt like desire. It felt like lust of some sort. And I don’t mean that merely in a sexual way. Sensuality is definitely the string that is tying the whole project together. But it starts off with me diving into who I was 7 years ago, during my first serious relationship and how I was navigating that. And it ends with the heartbreak that I experienced just a few months ago. The EP really depicts my whole journey, and you can feel that in the different sounds and genres I play with. I really feel like I was able to explore myself as an artist more in these pieces, so I’m excited to share them with the world and see how people receive them.

For more work by Naomi, visit naomishefalijoshi.com/about

For more on Pallaví aka Fijiana, visit iamfijiana.me/

On Sexuality, Sensuality & Identity: In Conversation with Artist Pallaví aka Fijiana