“If you don’t like the story, you should write your own” - The Greater Freedom

Words & interview by Sunayah Arshad, edited by Jameela Elfaki

I met Alya a couple of years ago in the back of a busy (and sweaty) basement club in North East London. We had a few mutual friends, so naturally exchanged details. At the time, she was blogging whilst successfully working as a freelance journalist. It was a nice change to see a Middle Eastern woman doing so well in London’s competitive creative scene, and I appreciated her vivacious, ‘I dont give a f*ck’ attitude. I also admired (and slightly envied) her ability to dedicate time to actually finish reading books, go to the gym when I’d still be asleep, work, AND maintain enough energy to have a thriving social life. Despite only meeting her a handful of times, her background and laid-back confidence resonated with me. So when I found out she was releasing a book, I knew this definitely was one I had to dedicate time to.

Alya was born in Cairo, moving between London and Egypt during her childhood and eventually settling in London. She received a BA in Sociology and Psychology followed by a Masters in Journalism, due to her love for writing. Over the years she’s written articles for publications like The Telegraph, Refinery 29, Grazia and loads more. Her work doesn’t just cover one topic either, it talks about everything from relationships to culture to her favourite hip hop artists (including her #1 which you’ll find out about later).

This month Alya released The Greater Freedom: Life of a Middle Eastern Woman Outside the Stereotypes. Part memoir, part social commentary, it carefully explores her multicultural identity and navigating the world as a Middle Eastern woman with needs. Throughout the book, Alya unpicks and addresses subjects including representation, prejudice and shame, along with her journey to discovering that she is, in fact, a feminist. Combining her own voice with comprehensive research and conversations with other Middle Eastern women caught between cultures, the book gives a unique insight into those who, like her, don’t ‘typically’ fit the mould. Those who are both, and consequently neither.

I caught up with Alya following the release, to discover how she found her voice between the tug of two cultures, and created her own ideal. As she says, “If you don’t like the story, you should write your own”...

What was it that prompted you to write The Greater Freedom? Talk us through the moment you realised it was something you wanted to do. Why this title?

As I got older, I began to increasingly feel the pull of both cultures; I wanted to explore what aspects of my life were being impacted by this tug rope and why. At the same time, I became increasingly aware of how narrow and reductive the narrative around Middle Eastern women is – especially in the West – and I felt it was important to add to the conversation and to provide an alternative voice. It’s a lot easier to be yourself – and be free of shame and guilt – if we have many different narratives and examples of what we can be like, of what our lives and our choices can consist of.

As the book began to take shape, I realised that what was most important to me was this idea of freedom and choice and that’s how the title came to be. The Greater Freedom, as I write in my conclusion, is being who we truly are, free from outside influence.

You speak about feeling the pull of both cultures. How has the influence of Middle Eastern and British culture shaped you? Do you feel things would have been very different had you grown up entirely in Egypt?

I feel very lucky to have a full life in both Cairo and in London because not entirely fitting in in either place allowed me to make my own decisions, to pick and choose which aspects I most resonated with. Having a bird’s eye view of both cultures is, in a way, what allowed me to write this book and to be able to question so much, instead of just taking things for granted. Had I grown up entirely in Egypt I think I would be very different as a human, not least because my family would have been much more subject to the opinions of the invisible jury, and would have therefore raised me differently.

The Greater Freedom: Life of a Middle Eastern Woman Outside the Stereotypes, Alya Mooro

The Greater Freedom explores so much more than just your own opinion. It has facts, figures and the voices of many others caught between cultures. How did you connect with these women and how did you find their experiences compared to your own?

It felt very important to me to include facts, figures and the voices of other Middle Eastern women because it made my opinion feel more legitimate, in a way. I wasn’t writing TGF from a place of absolute certainty, but more from a place of curiosity, and I learnt so much in the process, too. Some of the women I spoke to were my friends, some were friends of friends and some were strangers who reached out on social media. Speaking to them, and writing the book, felt very cathartic because it legitimised many of the thoughts and feelings I had, and further cemented that I am not alone, as well as how important it is to provide this narrative.

You describe your parents as quite liberal in ways, which plays a large part in you being able to share the things you do. What was their involvement in the whole process? Did you need to discuss parts before deciding to share them?

When I first spoke to my dad about wanting to write this book, and about some of the topics I wanted to explore, he said: “Either do this properly and be fully honest, or don’t bother.” Knowing I had their support was a huge weight off my shoulders and gave me the courage and the ability to explore all the aspects I wanted to, as fully as I could. I interviewed them both for the book and would discuss various topics with them – mainly just to get their insight – but they didn’t read the book until it was finished and published. I felt it was important for it to be finished before they read it, both so they would take it more seriously, and also so I wouldn’t change my opinions in response to theirs.

You mentioned that chapter 10 (about being ‘technically Muslim’) was the chapter you were most afraid to write. Why was this the most challenging part compared with other difficult subjects (eg sex/virginity)? How did you overcome your fear of writing about these?

I think religion is such a sensitive topic, and it seems that these days this is especially the case when it comes to Islam. Sex and virginity are difficult subjects to talk about in Middle Eastern culture, for sure, and they were difficult to write about in terms of ridding myself of shame in order to do so, but it’s a subject I have strong opinions on and that I feel comfortable discussing. When it came to religion, I didn’t want to offend or upset anyone, and I also wanted to make sure I really knew what I was talking about. I overcame my fear by doing a lot of research and making sure I really believed what I was saying, and that it was as measured as can be.

You often quote Nawal El Saadawi throughout the book, and throughout life in general, what is it about her work that inspires you? How has it helped you?

Coming across Nawal El Saadawi’s book ‘The Hidden Face of Eve’ while I was in the midst of writing and doing research for The Greater Freedom felt like a sign that I was on the right track. It helped legitimise many of the feelings and frustrations I had, and that I had never seen someone from my part of the world discuss so openly and eloquently before. That she had written the book in 1977, and that many of the things she had discussed were things we were still dealing with now, also further motivated me to do what I could.

Can you tell us more about the idea of the ‘invisible jury’ you refer to in the book, and how you personally navigated that?

The invisible jury essentially refers to the opinions and judgments of others on everything from how we dress, how we behave to how we live our lives and beyond. I think that everyone from all cultures has some semblance of an invisible jury, but in the Middle East, quite a lot of consideration is afforded to them. Navigating that was a weird one for me because my parents have completely opposite approaches: my mum really cared, while my dad didn’t at all. When I was growing up, I rebelled a lot. In a way, I was trying to shock that invisible jury, or at least let them know that I didn’t care what they thought. In doing so, I was also testing my own limits and forming my own beliefs. I do sometimes hear their voice in the back of my head, but my own voice is loud and strong enough, now, that I can usually just listen to that instead.

How has the feedback been since releasing The Greater Freedom? What impact (if any) are you hoping it will have?

The feedback has been so incredible. Every day I receive messages on Instagram from Middle Eastern women thanking me for vocalising what they have long thought, but didn’t have the courage or ability to say. Many tell me they are now reassessing how they want to live their lives and how they want to raise their children, or at least how to shed some of the shame and guilt that is so ingrained. That’s what I hoped for when writing: that the book would help us all unpick the things we have been told and at times adopted by osmosis, and feel free to make our own decisions and our own choices based on what it is we truly believe. I hope also that it will serve to humanise the experiences of Middle Eastern women, and help dispel some of this sense of ‘other’ that the media has been so adept at forcing down everyone’s throats.

As someone who spent a lot of time moving between schools and friendship groups, do you have any advice for the younger generation experiencing a similar thing, who may be struggling to feel a sense of belonging?

Be yourself! Don’t feel like you need to skim off bits of yourself to fit in, or be friends with a certain group whose friendship you hope will validate you. It won’t. Look for the things you have in common: hobbies, interests and so on, and form your own tribe. You’ll be grateful when you get older that you started being yourself so soon.

A random fact that people might not know about you!

I used to write love letters to Lil Wayne.

See more from Alya here
Buy The Greater Freedom: Life as a Middle Eastern Woman Outside the Stereotypes here